Monday, March 30, 2015

I Was Bullied


When I was 18 years old I was a victim of bullying, but not for the reasons you would think.

You see…I was the girl that dressed a little too revealing, wore a little too much make-up, and had one too many boyfriends.

The funny thing about it all is the bullying began when I stopped being that girl.

On a random Saturday night I had made plans to go to church with a friend for one reason only…my boyfriends mom was a Christian and did not want her son dating someone who was not. So I thought if I could “get saved”, or whatever it was they did, then my b/f and I could be together with his mom’s approval!

Even though I planned on going to church first thing Sunday morning, I had made a decision to go to a party that Saturday night. For years I could not understand why God allowed me do that. Terrible things happened at that party and it was my “rock bottom” moment. It was years later that God showed me that if I would have never gone I would have never felt so desperate for Him. My original goal in going to church was to get saved to please my b/f’s mother, but the choices I made at that party left me alone, sick, and vulnerable, which is the attitude I had to come to Jesus with. That night had to happen for me to be so fed up with myself that I HAD to change! 

Jesus took a hold of my life so drastically that I began changing almost instantly. This was when my friends started changing as well. They stopped inviting me places, were keeping things from me, and worst of all- kicking me out of the group. The only thing I could get out of them was “it’s weird being around you- you’ve changed”. 

You see, I was the “life of the party”…meaning I was the one that would do the stupid stuff. I was fun to be around because I was ditsy, loud, and had no boundaries. I was the girl that knew a lot of people and found a way to manipulate them to do what I wanted. This was no secret- my friends knew my confidence was a show and that I was not as dumb as I played to be. That did not matter though because I was “fun”. 

I had no one to sit with at lunch. All my classes were with these people, my after school activities, my life.  I would walk though the hallways and get called “skank-nasty”. They would yell it loud and everyone would look… “Yeah Destiney Watts- you nasty!”, “Skank!”, “You’re so trashy!”…I was mortified. I would walk by pretending I couldn’t hear them, my face beat red with embarrassment. They threw spitballs at me, told terrible lies, and spread rumors through the school. They all moved their chairs away from me in class, leaving me to sit alone. 

I would skip class to avoid them; I stayed home “sick” almost every other day. My GPA dropped from a 3.7 to a 2.8. I hated school, I hated them, and I hated that I did not know why it was happening.

What is amazing though…I never hated God. I was going to church every chance I could. I see now that if God wouldn’t have allowed my friends to “feel weird” around me, I would have very easily gone back to my old ways. 

He, in one night, completely severed my relationship with all the people who were my friends for the wrong reasons.

He allowed the Principal to let me leave after 3rd period- staying at school only for the classes I needed to graduate.

He isolated me and as a result I raised my GPA & received scholarships for college. I got to perform the closing speech at graduation where everyone stood up and threw their hats. I was voted “Best Dressed” of the senior class and had a special place in the yearbook.

And on top of all that, He gave me a few friends that stayed by my side to help me deal with it all.

He took care of me in the most painful time of my teen life; all because I made a choice to follow Him. I wouldn’t change that time in my life even if I could. Being rejected was the best thing that could have happened to me. It made me fall on Jesus. It made me dive into a relationship with Him even more.

He knew what He was doing when He allowed me to be bullied. It may have been just HS but it was where my relationship with Him began, it is where my testimony lives, and it is why I am who I am today. 

All my love in Christ,