Monday, March 30, 2015

I Was Bullied


 

When I was 18 years old I was a victim of bullying, but not for the reasons you would think.


You see…I was the girl that dressed a little too revealing, wore a little too much make-up, and had one too many boyfriends.


The funny thing about it all is the bullying began when I stopped being that girl.


On a random Saturday night I had made plans to go to church with a friend for one reason only…my boyfriends mom was a Christian and did not want her son dating someone who was not. So I thought if I could “get saved”, or whatever it was they did, then my b/f and I could be together with his mom’s approval!

Even though I planned on going to church first thing Sunday morning, I had made a decision to go to a party that Saturday night. For years I could not understand why God allowed me do that. Terrible things happened at that party and it was my “rock bottom” moment. It was years later that God showed me that if I would have never gone I would have never felt so desperate for Him. My original goal in going to church was to get saved to please my b/f’s mother, but the choices I made at that party left me alone, sick, and vulnerable, which is the attitude I had to come to Jesus with. That night had to happen for me to be so fed up with myself that I HAD to change! 

Jesus took a hold of my life so drastically that I began changing almost instantly. This was when my friends started changing as well. They stopped inviting me places, were keeping things from me, and worst of all- kicking me out of the group. The only thing I could get out of them was “it’s weird being around you- you’ve changed”. 

You see, I was the “life of the party”…meaning I was the one that would do the stupid stuff. I was fun to be around because I was ditsy, loud, and had no boundaries. I was the girl that knew a lot of people and found a way to manipulate them to do what I wanted. This was no secret- my friends knew my confidence was a show and that I was not as dumb as I played to be. That did not matter though because I was “fun”. 

I had no one to sit with at lunch. All my classes were with these people, my after school activities, my life.  I would walk though the hallways and get called “skank-nasty”. They would yell it loud and everyone would look… “Yeah Destiney Watts- you nasty!”, “Skank!”, “You’re so trashy!”…I was mortified. I would walk by pretending I couldn’t hear them, my face beat red with embarrassment. They threw spitballs at me, told terrible lies, and spread rumors through the school. They all moved their chairs away from me in class, leaving me to sit alone. 

I would skip class to avoid them; I stayed home “sick” almost every other day. My GPA dropped from a 3.7 to a 2.8. I hated school, I hated them, and I hated that I did not know why it was happening.

What is amazing though…I never hated God. I was going to church every chance I could. I see now that if God wouldn’t have allowed my friends to “feel weird” around me, I would have very easily gone back to my old ways. 

He, in one night, completely severed my relationship with all the people who were my friends for the wrong reasons.

He allowed the Principal to let me leave after 3rd period- staying at school only for the classes I needed to graduate.

He isolated me and as a result I raised my GPA & received scholarships for college. I got to perform the closing speech at graduation where everyone stood up and threw their hats. I was voted “Best Dressed” of the senior class and had a special place in the yearbook.








And on top of all that, He gave me a few friends that stayed by my side to help me deal with it all.

He took care of me in the most painful time of my teen life; all because I made a choice to follow Him. I wouldn’t change that time in my life even if I could. Being rejected was the best thing that could have happened to me. It made me fall on Jesus. It made me dive into a relationship with Him even more.

He knew what He was doing when He allowed me to be bullied. It may have been just HS but it was where my relationship with Him began, it is where my testimony lives, and it is why I am who I am today. 

All my love in Christ,

Destiney

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Modesty Is... Simple

Regardless of your religious background I think it's safe to say you have heard the "M" word before...I am talking about MODESTY of course!

Over the years Modesty has received a bad rep because it has been perceived and presented as oppression or something religion forces women to do. 

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THERE IS A MIDDLE GROUND!

In today's society the more skin a woman shows the more empowered she is. Nakedness is your confidence, control, and right as a woman. It is sad to live in a time where people believe this is true and expect women to live by it. Our society desires nakedness, desires to feel sexy, and desires to be wanted.

Now, modesty is defined as a behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency. Basically the opposite of what society tells us.

NOW STICK WITH ME HERE...

I have a pair of shoes that I have been convicted of wearing...now I know that sounds extreme, a pair of shoes, really!? BUT HEAR ME OUT: what I am concerned about is the attitude that comes over me when I wear them. They are my "sexy" shoes. They are not immodest by any means...I mean come on, they are shoes! It is simply the motive I have when I wear them. They change the way I feel, the way I see myself, and the way I act around others. You may have this feeling with a certain song...it just makes you feel good but for the wrong reasons. Being modest is not a list of what to and not to do but simply an examination of the motive behind the behavior, manner, or appearance.

If our motive is to please the Lord then everything we do should work towards that goal. The music we listen to should be with the intent of pleasing God. The clothes we wear should be with the desire to be a light for His Name.

Being modest is simply about having the right motive and those can be found in Gods Word and through personal prayer. So when we are getting ready in the morning think about the intention you have when putting on a certain item...is it to draw attention to your chest...is it to look "hot" or "sexy"? When watching a certain movie what is our motive...to seek enjoyment of watching people do things we don't believe in? To watch someone kill, lie, and have sex with no consequences? What is our motive when we listen to a song about getting drunk and partying the night away?

Every choice we make has a reason, intention, and motive. Motive is actually defined as a reason for doing something, especially something that is hidden or not obvious. People may not see your motives but God always does. May the things we do, from the way we dress, the way we talk, and the way we act, be done with a true desire to please Him.

 The following video is very old & I am a little embarrassed but hey, I was young and zealous in my convictions. I wanted to share it because it is truly how I feel in regards to the way modesty is perceived...I am a little harsh though so please excuse my naivety!

In His Love,

Destiney


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

What "Defines" Modesty?

Hello Readers!

Being a Modest Fashion Guru on YouTube has been an exciting journey. I receive loads of love and encouragement through my viewers and I am so grateful for every single one of them! When I first started YouTube it was to help those who already dressed modestly & to simply share outfit ideas for "skirt girls". Little did I know, God was using my channel as a tool to bring people closer to Him!
 

Arianna
1 month ago
"You're such a wonderful role model to girl's everywhere! I'm Baptist and I started my "endeavor" to be modest and only wear skirts a month ago and it's going great!"

 
 
Ashley


"...I love your approach about these touchy topics. So many just have an attack approach...God is truly using you on here, I believe! :)"
 
 
 Now to say I ONLY receive those kind of comments would be a lie. There are plenty of hateful and discouraging things said as well from those who believe modesty is part of a religious checklist. These are real questions and comments I have seen over the past 2 years I have been making videos:
 
 "Can I show my legs?"
"Can I show my underarms?"
"That skirt is too tight!"
"If you show your knees, you are not really modest."
"That's sad that you think you have to dress that way to be accepted by God."
 
 
So that brings us to the point of this blog...what exactly defines modesty?
 
 I have heard it said that some people are "Spirit seeds" and some are "Word seeds". For some it takes a feeling, a movement, a spiritual experience to believe in God and His Word. For others it takes understanding, studying, and dissecting His Word to believe. For me, the conviction to dress modestly came from a spiritual experience which I talked a little about in my previous blog.
 
So to answer "what defines modesty" you must first understand how God reveals things to you. Does God strike your heart with emotion which then works its way to your head or must you first understand in your head before God works it into your heart?  Once we see how God reveals things to us then it is easier to grow in Him. For a "Spirit seed" you will find growth in prayer and as you grow in prayer God will begin to balance you and grow you in His Word. For a "Word seed" you will find growth in studying the Bible and as you grow in His Word He will begin to soften your heart to receive His Spirit.
 
My husband is a "Word seed" and when we first got together it was really easy for him to talk to me about the Word and all the things God has called us to do. For me, a "Spirit seed", it was sometimes overwhelming and a little frustrating because I felt like I was being preached at. So for me, personal convictions come from things I have felt God tell me or show me to do. For others, personal convictions may come from scriptures that they have studied, dissected, and truly believe for themselves. One is not better than the other and we must learn to grow in both the Spirit and the Word.
 
"What defines Modesty?", your personal convictions. Whether they be from His Word or from His Spirit. What He has personally convicted you of is between you and Him and may not make sense to others. I am personally convicted of wearing jeans, however, I will wear jeggings around the house in front of my husband only. I am personally convicted of wearing shirts that show my underarms to church services but I will wear them outside of church. My convictions may not make sense to you and yours may not make sense to me, but they do not need to. They are between you and God and as we grow in Him we will continue to change and He will continue to convict us of more things in order to draw us closer to Him. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed about the things God has convicted you of, stand strong in what He had called you to be. We as Christians can only stand in the Truth we know for ourselves.
 
 
In His Love,
Destiney
 
 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Why I Dress Modestly

I have received so many questions in regards to this topic. Many people who have known me for some time, know I have not always dressed this way. It wasn't until my salvation moment with my Lord and Savior that I decided to make the change.

These photos were taken in 2006, a year before I gave my life to the Lord and started changing my appearance.






 I wouldn't say the way I dressed then was provocative  and inappropriate necessarily, it was the attitude I took on while dressing that way. A very showy, competitive, and needful spirit. The way I looked on the outside was my absolute biggest concern and if just one person did not like the way I looked, I would do anything to gain their approval.

In February of 2007 I experienced a dramatic life change when I went to church with my best friend...and when I say dramatic I mean throw away every pair of jeans, shorts, and piece of jewelry dramatic. Many friends and family members thought I was being sucked into some religious cult and was being forced to dress a certain way to gain acceptance into the church. I cannot blame them though because I had never shared with anyone  my true feelings as to why I had to change.

Here is a small look into my past that may give a little understanding to why I was that way:




My closest friends and family had no idea the emptiness I was feeling or the path I was headed down. So what seemed like a young, fun, party girl, with no cares in the world was actually a scared, torn, lonely young lady searching for an answer in life.

I do not think I could ever explain the way I felt when I walked through those church doors. Such love, acceptance, and excitement was hitting me from every side. Now understand, I didn't just walk in and hear one song then run to the alter to be saved...it was a gradual thing. I just knew I had to keep coming back to that place...I knew there were answers there...there was freedom there.





Something I did see instantly was the way the ladies dressed. They had a holiness about them. It seemed to me they were all just glowing! I knew that whatever that was I wanted to have it too.

Now I admit, I did not fully grasp the concept of modesty. I just thought if I wore a skirt I would have what those people had because, keep in mind, that is how I have always thought...the outside is first. If I dress like that then I will be like that. Little did I know, Jesus works from the inside out. The only way I was getting that glowing beauty was to let Jesus come into my heart and change me.

After a few weeks of attending church in my "modest skirts" I realized that the preacher kept talking about letting Jesus into your heart. Once I was saved, I began to see it all differently. The more I attended church the more I learned about what modesty really was and why we do it.

Growth.

If I had to sum it all up, you gain modesty by growing in God. When you spend more time praying to Him and reading His Word you just start changing. A child cannot grow without changing and that is exactly what we are when we first come to Christ. The concept of dressing modestly due to changing is evident in any woman. A woman who was once 16  and dressed like any 16 year old would, would not have the desire to dress like that when she is 25. As we get older, we begin to grow out of the desire to dress like a 16 year old. We mature into new understanding that it is not appropriate or self satisfying to dress that way.

So that is what happened...I changed. I began to grow in Jesus and desired to present myself differently. I am still growing and changing and will continue to.







There is just something so gratifying when I dress modestly. As I said in the beginning of my post, I once dressed to show myself, to gain attention, but now I dress to hide myself, to give attention to God. If others have the right to "flaunt what they got" then I have the right to cover it. If Jesus lives in my heart then that means I take him with me wherever I go. Whatever I listen to, Jesus listens to. Whatever I see, Jesus sees. And whatever I put on my body, I am putting on His Temple.

I choose modesty because I have grown to respect myself, I desire to hide myself, and because it is one small thing I can do to honor my God.

In His Love,
Destiney